Not since the Enlightenment have such weighty philosophical issues been posited.
North Korea Holds Tastefully Understated State Funeral for Nation’s Oldest Unicorn
PYONGYANG, DPRK – On the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea’s 1,567,832nd day of clear skies and perfect sweater weather, millions of North Korean citizens gathered in Pyongyang’s Kim Il-sung Square to pay their final respects to the nation’s oldest unicorn, Mujigae. Mujigae passed away on Sunday, the 73rd anniversary of Kim Jong-il’s birth, also known as “The Day of the Shining Star.”
Crowds gather to pay respects to Mujigae. Photo by AP
Five Things I Learned During the State of the Union
5. Senator Ron Wyden is Hannibal Lecter
Illegal use of wings. Ten yard penalty.
Top Ten Films of 2013
No arguing! I am right! You are wrong!
Okay, so I still haven’t seen a bunch of movies I’ve been dying to watch like 12 Years a Slave, Wolf of Wall Street, Long Walk to Freedom, American Hustle, Upstream Color, No, Dallas Buyers Club, etc. I’m still right though.
10. Dog Days
It’s a documentary about hot dogs. No, really.
9. Thor 2
I enjoyed this small indie production about one man’s struggle against his ever increasing pectorals.
8. Behind the Candelabra
Matt Damon and Michael Douglas are great as Vegas showgirls. Or something like that. I was distracted by Rob Lowe’s face.
- Drunk Lady: Do you guys know what a herpe is?
- Us: Yes.
- Drunk Lady: It's a penis pimple or a pussy pimple.
- Us: We'll look out for that.