Fat Pigeon Enthusiast

"3.02: No player shall intentionally discolor or damage the ball by rubbing it with soil, rosin,..."

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 20:44:00 -0400

“3.02: No player shall intentionally discolor or damage the ball by rubbing it with soil, rosin, paraffin, licorice, sand-paper, emery-paper or other foreign substance.”

- Official MLB Rules

I like to imagine that there was such an abundance of licorice sabotage in the 1890s that it necessitated a name-drop in the official rulebook.

“Old Sticky Hands Johnson is at it again, Abner!”

This is one of the strangest baserunning plays I’ve ever...

Sat, 20 Apr 2013 15:37:00 -0400

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This is one of the strangest baserunning plays I’ve ever seen. It reminds me of Germany Schaefer stealing first from second to distract the pitcher, but that was on purpose and in 1911*. This was more out of confusion than anything else.

Also, he was clearly tagged.

*MLB outlawed that play after Schaefer attempted it a second time.

This is how to deliver a political speech. Funny, accessible,...

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 13:28:48 -0400

This is how to deliver a political speech. Funny, accessible, and respectful. A fantastic speech by Maurice Williamson on New Zealand’s legalization of same-sex marriage. Definitely worth a watch.

"You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty,..."

Tue, 16 Apr 2013 10:59:00 -0400

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.”

- Mahatma Gandhi

Cat Video Has Yet To Draw Irrational Hatred

Sun, 07 Apr 2013 14:05:41 -0400

GARY, IN – Local woman, Tina Bradford’s recently posted Youtube video of her Siamese cat, Boots, sleeping in a sunbeam has yet to garner any negative comments on the video site. Bradford, 30, said of the perplexing situation, “At first, I thought my computer wasn’t refreshing properly.” However, after rebooting her 2003 Dell desktop, and two hours of constant page refreshes, Bradford conceded that no one had posted any misspelled calls to “occupie [sic] the truth.”

“I just don’t understand,” said Bradford, “usually, by the time Boots’ videos reach 50 views there is a racial slur, or at the very least a few ‘pussy’ jokes.”

Boots garners dozens of racist slurs a week.

Unable to explain why no one had yet brought up Obama’s birth certificate, Bradford posted another video of what she describes as, “Boots just being Boots.” That video, which captures Boots playing with packaging material and an old sock, quickly garnered 170 views and three vaguely xenophobic comments on her “oriental looking cat.”

“Frankly, I’m relieved,” said the part-time purchasing assistant as she adjusted a freshly knitted sweater on Boots’ torso. “It just didn’t feel right. I’m glad everything’s back to normal. Now Boots and I can relax.”

As of the time of publication, Bradford’s original video had garnered 1,132 views and one linked comment to a picture of an eagle and Jesus holding the Constitution.

Serve and Protect

Sun, 24 Mar 2013 04:20:00 -0400

Drunk Guy: Are you from Jersey?
Me: No, Baltimore.
Drunk Guy: Really?
Me: Yeah, I'm the Mayor.
Drunk Guy: Can you get me onto the PD?
Me: Totally.
Drunk Guy: Cause I took the Police exam there and I don't know if I got in.
Me: No! Really?
Drunk Guy: I want to be a cop so I can drink and shoot stuff.
Me: I feel safer already.

"The difference between a misfortune and a calamity is this: If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it..."

Thu, 21 Mar 2013 02:07:23 -0400

“

The difference between a misfortune and a calamity is this: If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, that would be a calamity.”

- Benjamin Disraeli

”

- Snap!

We’re sorry, the train to Crazytown is full. Shit got...

Sat, 09 Mar 2013 18:48:16 -0500

We’re sorry, the train to Crazytown is full.

Shit got real in the Canada vs. Mexico game at the World Baseball Classic. This is where a penalty box comes in handy.

“European Soccer Shirts” Oh, America, you’re...

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 12:39:21 -0500

“European Soccer Shirts” Oh, America, you’re adorable.

It may say $10, but this is priceless. Choose from TWO clubs!

Aw, look at my little liberal arts alma mater win the first...

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 10:31:31 -0500

Aw, look at my little liberal arts alma mater win the first round of the NCAA D-III tourney. Look at us being all athletic. We’re the best sportsball team in the land!

Seriously though, way to go Red Devils!

A: The eradication of smallpox, the moon landing, and four...

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 13:34:00 -0500

A: The eradication of smallpox, the moon landing, and four parrots playing basketball.

Q: What are the greatest things to ever happen in the universe?

publicshaming: Congratulations to the Baltimore Ravens for winning the Super Bowl! Now, can someone...

Mon, 04 Feb 2013 14:21:07 -0500

publicshaming:

Congratulations to the Baltimore Ravens for winning the Super Bowl! Now, can someone tell me where Baltimore is?

The answer is Maryland, by the way.

You laugh, but knowing where things are is hard and stuff.

Photo

Tue, 29 Jan 2013 10:00:49 -0500

Check out the blooper reel for my MLB Fan Cave 2013 audition!

Mon, 28 Jan 2013 17:50:08 -0500

Check out the blooper reel for my MLB Fan Cave 2013 audition!

Check out my submission to the MLB Fan Cave 2013. Go O’s!

Sat, 26 Jan 2013 01:09:32 -0500

Check out my submission to the MLB Fan Cave 2013. Go O’s!

Has the Beast Been Tamed?

Fri, 25 Jan 2013 22:53:00 -0500

The AL East. The Beast. The toughest, grittiest, salary disparity havingest division in baseball.

However, the last few seasons have seen the East’s star begin to fade. It’s just a little bit less intimidating. It’s apparent that the once dominant division has fallen on somewhat tough times. With the rise of new powerhouses like the Giants and the Dodgers, the NL West is quickly becoming a force of nature.

So how did it get to be this way? Well, one could argue that it’s just a natural feature of sports to experience slumps and peaks. But let’s be honest, this isn’t the NFL. And with two mammoth clubs filled with All-Star caliber players and coaching staffs to die for, you have to wonder why the money hasn’t kept the East at the top of the food chain. Yes, the Yankees went to the ALCS last year. Yes, they are still a loaded club. But the Yankees are also an older club with an average age of 28.7. Compare that to the average age of the Orioles and the Rays at about 27 and the Nationals at 26.8. How long can they maintain that dominance with key injuries to star players like Jeter and Rivera? I haven’t even touched on the public organizational meltdown (to put it lightly) of the Boston Red Sox, and I’d need another ten blog posts to do it justice. Suffice it to say, things did not go well in Beantown last season.

So does that mean the Beast has been tamed? Absolutely not. While Toronto had an abysmal year, most of it can be explained away by their voodoo like injury record. The Rays finished strong, especially after Longoria’s return. And how exciting is it to see R.A. Dickey in the AL East? Toronto has made some incredible off-season moves. I wouldn’t be surprised to see them in late October. Let’s not forget my Baltimore Orioles. In Buck Showalter’s second full season with the club they proved that baseball was back in Baltimore. Look for the O’s to come out of the gate strong. Even though Dan Duquette had a quiet off-season, I think that the team dynamic from last year will go a long way in making them competitive.

And that leaves us with the Yankees and the Sox. Never count either of them out. With Boston’s blockbuster trade we may need to wait another few seasons to fully see the results, but they are on the path to be as dominant as they once were. The Yankees, well, I hate saying it, but the Yankees always find a way to shed the dead weight and stay competitive.

So is the AL East back in tip top shape? Maybe not yet, but I’m going to have a great time watching the journey back to the top.

This is why you set your phone to silent when you’re at...

Tue, 22 Jan 2013 18:01:52 -0500

This is why you set your phone to silent when you’re at work.

It’s a sad day in Baltimore. Kick up some dirt up there,...

Sat, 19 Jan 2013 11:45:29 -0500

It’s a sad day in Baltimore. Kick up some dirt up there, Earl.

It’s only a matter of time until someone sets this to...

Sat, 19 Jan 2013 10:00:22 -0500

It’s only a matter of time until someone sets this to “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston.

wtfevolution: This pelican looks like a urinal. Go home,...

Fri, 18 Jan 2013 09:25:28 -0500

wtfevolution:

This pelican looks like a urinal. Go home, evolution, you are drunk.