3.02: No player shall intentionally discolor or damage the ball by rubbing it with soil, rosin, paraffin, licorice, sand-paper, emery-paper or other foreign substance.
Official MLB Rules

I like to imagine that there was such an abundance of licorice sabotage in the 1890s that it necessitated a name-drop in the official rulebook.

“Old Sticky Hands Johnson is at it again, Abner!”

This is one of the strangest baserunning plays I’ve ever seen. It reminds me of Germany Schaefer stealing first from second to distract the pitcher, but that was on purpose and in 1911*. This was more out of confusion than anything else.

Also, he was clearly tagged.

*MLB outlawed that play after Schaefer attempted it a second time.

This is how to deliver a political speech. Funny, accessible, and respectful. A fantastic speech by Maurice Williamson on New Zealand’s legalization of same-sex marriage. Definitely worth a watch.

Cat Video Has Yet To Draw Irrational Hatred

GARY, IN – Local woman, Tina Bradford’s recently posted Youtube video of her Siamese cat, Boots, sleeping in a sunbeam has yet to garner any negative comments on the video site. Bradford, 30, said of the perplexing situation, “At first, I thought my computer wasn’t refreshing properly.” However, after rebooting her 2003 Dell desktop, and two hours of constant page refreshes, Bradford conceded that no one had posted any misspelled calls to “occupie [sic] the truth.”

“I just don’t understand,” said Bradford, “usually, by the time Boots’ videos reach 50 views there is a racial slur, or at the very least a few ‘pussy’ jokes.”

   

          Boots garners dozens of racist slurs a week.

Unable to explain why no one had yet brought up Obama’s birth certificate, Bradford posted another video of what she describes as, “Boots just being Boots.” That video, which captures Boots playing with packaging material and an old sock, quickly garnered 170 views and three vaguely xenophobic comments on her “oriental looking cat.”

“Frankly, I’m relieved,” said the part-time purchasing assistant as she adjusted a freshly knitted sweater on Boots’ torso. “It just didn’t feel right. I’m glad everything’s back to normal. Now Boots and I can relax.”

As of the time of publication, Bradford’s original video had garnered 1,132 views and one linked comment to a picture of an eagle and Jesus holding the Constitution.

A: The eradication of smallpox, the moon landing, and four parrots playing basketball.

Q: What are the greatest things to ever happen in the universe?

Check out the blooper reel for my MLB Fan Cave 2013 audition!

It’s only a matter of time until someone sets this to “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston.

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